...what it is like now.














There are no words to properly express how much each day is appreciated now.

Since "ijwd" ended in 2006, sobriety was fleeting.


Few addicts get it right the first time.

Or second.

Or third.

Or ever. 


Not even the birth of a beautiful child could bring sobriety. Any addict with a child will understand. For those of you without addiction, it does not work unless it is done for youself. Ever.The pain got worse. More than thought possible.

The last days started in February 2012 and included a DUI with this tremendous kid in the car. After posting bail reasons to live were fleeting, opting to spend the last moments alive with a prostitute while planning a suicide mission to Hawaii.


In an effort to rouse the courage to die, a bottle of scotch was bought in the early hours after leaving the motel and the call-girl. 


But God (or whatever name is preferred for a higher power) was not ready for me  


Every fifteen minutes scotch was thrown up, for over 12 hours trying to get drunk until utterly destroyed spiritually. A call was made for a cab to a psychiatric hostpital.


My son was young enough that today he has no memories of an intoxicated Dad.


Since treatment an undergraduate degree was completed at North Dakota State University and a master's degree in criminology, law and socitety was wrapped up from the University of California, Irvine.


Happy, Joyous and Free.




for years it never made sense...


why me?

why not dead?

why survive when so many others do not?


to share this story

 so one person leaves an abusive rlationship

 one addict finally gives up

 one family member rekindles a relationship...

to give back

to inspire hope


 that's why god was not ready for me YET.

the biography of a recovering junky does not end here!


click to continue reading the police reports (because these arrests actually happened), the probation violation paperwork following the creation of a completely made-up chemical dependency counselor, the psychiatric hospital documents, and sample a few of the hundreds (or more!) of pages of journals referred to for authneticity and detail