do not blame yourself

depression is not about poor moral behavior or

character defects

it is an illness

involving an imbalance of brain chemicals



depression, suicide, bipolar, mental illness

 suicide is forever 

click "suicide" to read an excerpt from "ijwd"

official police report

click above to read

the police report from a throat-slashing resulting in 18 stitches and a trip to detox

according to research in the

american journal of psychiatry

neuroimaging studies of bipolar disorder

demonstrate abnormalities in

neural circuitries supporting

emotional and reward

procesing and regulation

bipolar disorder

time to discuss what nobody wants to talk about


bipolar and major depression are not trending topics restricted to celebrities and star athletes


en route to medical school

suicide was first attempted at age 20


the highs of


led to behaviors so troubling the subsequent depression could only be silenced through


suicidal ideation

the mayo clinic defines bipolar I

as having at least one manic episode

which may be preceded or followed by

hypomanic or major depressive episodes

a distinct period of abnormally and persistently

elevatedexpansive irritable mood

that lasts at least one week

 the episode includes


increased goal-directed activity or energy

a hypomanic episodelasts at least four consecutive days

DSM V criteria for a manic episode

 (via the mayo clinic)

further research in the AJP reports

educational attainment was

not significantly

related to presence - frequency - severity

of past suicidal behavior

     i just woke up dead     

illustrates why

stigma must be destroyed

research verifies nobody is immune

you cannot outsmart illness

stop blaming

start caring

read - learn - understand


studies show that in bipolar disorder patients neurological reward systems attend to lower-order goals overvaluing outcomes that are strongly desired but

 damaging  in the long run - specific frontal regions in manic patients point to

abnormal task-related responses and difficulty with decision making 

continue reading for possible explanations from some of the most prominent scholarly research sources in the world

 this is not an issue of character or intelligence...

to the familes and loved ones:

learn why values are destoryed

see how a promising future falls apart

witness madness in motion

identify behaviors as they escalate

it is


summary: as is exhibited throughout ijwd (supported by research

manic episodes increasing goal-directed activity (e.g. sex)

resulted in reward systems (instant gratification)

overriding long-term goals (medical school

such impulsivity may have influenced  suicidal behavior

i just woke up dead is a case study rarely available to professionals

i just woke up dead

suicide is a popular topic when celebrities end their lives

but how often do we cry when

a son or daughter

​a sister or brother

or father or mother

decide the pain can go no further?


neurotransmitters and neuropeptides

this is not an opinion - this is science

research published in brain: a journal of neurology

hindsight is 20/20

would the science of today

prevented the tragedy of yesterday?

ijwd is meant to bridge that gap and be those mistakes

read - learn - survive

having been diagnosed with bipolar

yet unaware of the science

led to major depression

and suicide attempts

to stop the pain


click for the latest research on

stigma - mental illness - sex and drug addiction - criminality